Written some time ago, never published, "The start of a downward spiral for me on a personal level. The one thing
we all dread and hope it never comes. A breakup. Moving back home to my
parents. Saying goodbye to my best friend. There was a lot to learn
from the breakup. Reflecting both in myself and in those around me. It
was the biggest test of all. After discussing a future, plans, moves,
goals with this person I wanted to spend forever with. I have to start
from scratch with just me. I was able to grow from this. Making myself
stronger and reaching deep into myself to dig up some of the old me.
Going back to pull together the woman I was in replace of the monster I
became."
Today's Forecast: Sober from love. Rehabs a bitch. I can see clearly now. This poison finally flushed out of my system. And even though my heart may ache from time to time knowing all I do - I know it couldn't have been true love, could it have? I thought it was but the things he said to me, to spite and curse me. 5 years I invested in a man only to find out I wasn't the only one he invested in all those years. The feelings of never being enough peaked with the truth being revealed. A real man would accept the consequences of his mistakes, but it was the coward that ran that day. "I love you" - his biggest lie.
There were several times throughout our relationship where I was constantly told I needed to "get my shit together" but yet - I was. I'm stable, hardworking, driven, my bills are paid, fridge is full and head is sheltered. I now believe he was merely talking to himself, consumed by his demons. I know I am no saint, I have my flaws - but to give someone everything of you and they still demand more is taxing...especially when you find out you were only getting 20% and the rest of the 80%? Divided up between several other women. Funny how now I'm no longer mad. He tried telling me I was crazy - but with the proof literally in my hands his words could no longer hurt me, my chains were broken and that stupid thing he called love...revealed to be nothing but a mask to hide some awful truths.
His words meant nothing, just like our relationship.
