My last post was over a year ago - holy shit, it has really been that long since I put a pen to paper...so to speak. Let's shake off this dust, see what I can't give ya - hopefully this lady still has it.
Its 1:24am, I can't sleep...I'm watching the Moulin Rouge - I found it on Netflix, which I have been dying to see for quite some time now. A lot has changed for me...looking back I laugh at the chaotic stupidity that I used to write, so nieve - so young...
Let's recap:
I was living with this woman, renting a room kinda...this was only after the apartment with my sister fell through and halfway through the lease my sister jumped ship and moved down to Florida with her then fiance, they are no longer together. Anyway, living with this woman was - odd and rather uncomfortable. I felt like I couldn't take a pee without being watched, judged or critiqued. It was a pretty sweet pad, right down the road from my work - which was super convenient on my lunch breaks - I would scurry home and take a half hour nap...that was also before they moved us to the new(old as dirt) building. While I was living there, I started talking to this boy - I call him a boy because for being 29 years old, he was as mature as....well I cannot really think of anything to compare his mature-ness too because he was frankly far from. A complete man-child. 7 months that ended with a loaded gun to my head and messed up ribs, I'm guessing its a chapter in my life that had to be written...they really don't lie when they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It was a chapter in my life that really took a toll on me, both physically and mentally - I began to not put so much effort into anything really, I was trapped - a slave to the illusion I was happy and content.
After that ended, I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again - I was done looking for love, and done trying to figure out something that didn't want to be sought...Thinking I threw it out - it boomeranged and smacked me square in the forehead putting me on my ass...
*Side note: This movie is so distracting, when I first saw this movie I wanted love more than anything...I guess that is why it failed over and over and over - a circle of no's and not good enoughs - that is over.
I have fallen in love...head over heels beyond words - the way this man makes me feel, I get lost in my thoughts - nothing else exists when I am with him, and when I think or talk about him...I am told I light up like the sun. It scares me still, I have never felt this way for anyone before...The feelings I get from him are toxic, addicting and leave me wanting more. I miss him hours before he has to leave me or I him. He is the first person I say hello to when I wake up, and he is the last person I say goodnight too. Everything is so simple with us - no fighting, no tiffs, we are both too grown to squabble like chickens. A healthy debate now and then - yes please...but we have come to the conclusion that if we ever get into a fight fight - we're going to first realize it, laugh and move on. Simple. He makes me feel complete. He's my teammate and my best friend - So this is really what love is?
I also moved to a new place, I live with people who I can relate too and I live in a house that for once in my life I actually can say that where I live feels like home. That is all I have to say about that.
This about sums it up for me right now - I am afraid that you have lost me to the Moulin Rouge....
"The greatest thing...You'll ever learn...Is just to love....and be loved in return"
Sweet dreams. <3
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