The Turn-around

I cried the other day.

But for the first time in I can't even remember...they were not tears of pain.

I had just got home from work, it was about 11:30ish at night. Around 60 degrees with a slight breeze, and a perfectly clear sky. As stressful work was, when I stepped out of my car...it was like the stress was left in my car and I was okay.

I laid on the top of my car, for a good 45mins, just looking at the stars. I couldn't believe how gorgeous they were...If there was anything I could always and forever be in love with- the stars would be it.

When I was younger, my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I looked at him and I told him, "I want to be a star in the sky" Although he looked at me like I was crazy, I knew I was in the right mindset. When he returned with the question, "a star?" I began to explain:

"I want to be that star that the one kid picks out of all the other stars too call their own. I want to be apart of something bigger than I am, like a constellations or a galaxy."

To this day, I still live by it.

Laying on the top of my mini, looking up at the stars...I started crying, I did not know why I was crying, but they weren't tears of pain. I began talking to the stars, venting to them as the breeze continued to blow its course around me.

I knew it wasn't just the Breeze.

"Thank you God," Is the words that escaped my lips next. Why those words, I do not know. "Thank you God, I am sorry for being so sad and hurting." I decided to just let the words come out, like word vomit, I could not help it. It was like I was meant to say it, Like I was meant to tell God. "Thank you God, I am sorry for being so sad and hurting, and I promise to be happier..." It just kept going, and I kept crying. I can't explain the feeling of self control I lacked on the top of my car, but I was almost to the point of screaming when I finished the vent. "Thank you God, I am sorry for being so sad and hurting, and I promise to be happier- I really do. Im going to be happier for you, for my friends, and for me. Please tell them I will always love them, and yes...you can even tell him too. Just let them know. Thank you...Thank you so much for everything...and thank you for listening." the breeze that hit me next was stronger then the rest, just enough to slightly realize it. I knew then, that God was listening...that he heard my cries, my screams towards the stars. I took a heavy sigh of almost relief and went inside, going to sleep.

Waking up, I felt lighter. It was just light enough to make me smile...Actually smile. I know I am going to remember this night, The night I made a connection with MY higher Power, MY nature, MY love.

"I am the vines, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them shall bear fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing" -John 15:5