No, Why not live you life?
It's only been 19 years of mine wasted on a washed up dream.
I am the washed up dream.
I have been living in fear with myself. Hard to admit but living in fear with onself is not a healthy way to live say the least. Im always afraid that someone is going to outshine me, overdo me, undermine me, forget about me. I have to say out of all of them and many more I'm sure I forgot to jot down, "Forget about me" is the one that sticks the most in my head. I mean, honestly...who isnt's afraid of being forgotten? I grew up thinking I am just one more person that isnt' important in this society we live in and I'm just a forgetable face. In the back of my mind lies the feeling that I am only cared for not because I'm a noticable face but because I am a noticable body. It's all about the material now adays... Sometimes I'll lie awake at night in my bed, wide awake just thinking...
I think too much for my own good. It isnt completely bad to say the least, but thinking too much will never give me a chance to let me stop and just be. I just want to be, nothing more nothing less. If I ever got the chance to just be...God would it be a beautiful moment, and when it happens oh I'll know for sure. I wait for this day, when I can just be.
Knowing for sure, stupid little phrase. It relates to everything you could most possibly never have. Take for example...Love. Everyone wants it, but no one knows what it is. You know what love is...Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. In other words, it's giving someone the power to hurt you because honestly, when has love not fucked someone over? I know the only "love" I felt was "first love" which is what? "First love" is the love you think you have, because you've never felt it before...it feels good, yes- but it ends quickly and with the pain of a thousand deaths to follow. It sucked yes...but I'm sure everyone went through it at one point in their life...I just happened to get to mine at this point in my life which was supposed to be my "prime years" God, Did I love the kid...he was my everything. Funny how your everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
Is it okay to say you're falling for someone so far away? It can be anything from 20 minutes to 200 thousand miles away...Is it okay to say that you're falling in love with someone worlds away? It doesn't matter how far a person is...distance is still distance. Its okay though...go ahead and live your life. Talk to me when you're free and want to feel wanted and loved...Im sure we all do that to someone, I know I want to be loved and wanted- I practically live for the feeling of being accepted now. Like I said, not a healthy way of living...but Im getting through, I have the motivation of that person that is distances away...Of course all people that are forever away will have that one person that hates you and thinks that their looking out for their friend because it's in fact a billion miles away and they'll always despise you for winning the hearts of this stranger...I mean, you fell for a stranger a billion miles away? Not the case, or the verdict would oppose different. You can have your fights and you makeups, but is it even real? Real or not, just know...you're always going to be on my mind...in the back of my mind. Forever.
Touchy subjects, I'm afraid to admit...I have no shame. God blessed me with no shame and I really feel stupid saying that I have no shame, because everyone has shame at one point in their life...maybe I just havn't reached my "shame point" yet. Who knows when It will come. But Like everything else...when it comes, it will be beautiful- beautiful indeed...just like the rest of the world.
It's only been 19 years of mine wasted on a washed up dream.
I am the washed up dream.
I have been living in fear with myself. Hard to admit but living in fear with onself is not a healthy way to live say the least. Im always afraid that someone is going to outshine me, overdo me, undermine me, forget about me. I have to say out of all of them and many more I'm sure I forgot to jot down, "Forget about me" is the one that sticks the most in my head. I mean, honestly...who isnt's afraid of being forgotten? I grew up thinking I am just one more person that isnt' important in this society we live in and I'm just a forgetable face. In the back of my mind lies the feeling that I am only cared for not because I'm a noticable face but because I am a noticable body. It's all about the material now adays... Sometimes I'll lie awake at night in my bed, wide awake just thinking...
I think too much for my own good. It isnt completely bad to say the least, but thinking too much will never give me a chance to let me stop and just be. I just want to be, nothing more nothing less. If I ever got the chance to just be...God would it be a beautiful moment, and when it happens oh I'll know for sure. I wait for this day, when I can just be.
Knowing for sure, stupid little phrase. It relates to everything you could most possibly never have. Take for example...Love. Everyone wants it, but no one knows what it is. You know what love is...Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. In other words, it's giving someone the power to hurt you because honestly, when has love not fucked someone over? I know the only "love" I felt was "first love" which is what? "First love" is the love you think you have, because you've never felt it before...it feels good, yes- but it ends quickly and with the pain of a thousand deaths to follow. It sucked yes...but I'm sure everyone went through it at one point in their life...I just happened to get to mine at this point in my life which was supposed to be my "prime years" God, Did I love the kid...he was my everything. Funny how your everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
Is it okay to say you're falling for someone so far away? It can be anything from 20 minutes to 200 thousand miles away...Is it okay to say that you're falling in love with someone worlds away? It doesn't matter how far a person is...distance is still distance. Its okay though...go ahead and live your life. Talk to me when you're free and want to feel wanted and loved...Im sure we all do that to someone, I know I want to be loved and wanted- I practically live for the feeling of being accepted now. Like I said, not a healthy way of living...but Im getting through, I have the motivation of that person that is distances away...Of course all people that are forever away will have that one person that hates you and thinks that their looking out for their friend because it's in fact a billion miles away and they'll always despise you for winning the hearts of this stranger...I mean, you fell for a stranger a billion miles away? Not the case, or the verdict would oppose different. You can have your fights and you makeups, but is it even real? Real or not, just know...you're always going to be on my mind...in the back of my mind. Forever.
Touchy subjects, I'm afraid to admit...I have no shame. God blessed me with no shame and I really feel stupid saying that I have no shame, because everyone has shame at one point in their life...maybe I just havn't reached my "shame point" yet. Who knows when It will come. But Like everything else...when it comes, it will be beautiful- beautiful indeed...just like the rest of the world.
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